It was time for me to go to the doctor for my ‘female’ preventive care exam and check up. Aaaaahhhh, the joyful anticipation.
Actually, I don’t mind going to the gynecologist because I totally believe in preventive care exams and testing in general, but this time was different for a few reasons.
I had to choose a new doctor – our insurance changed, so I couldn’t go back to my Kaiser doctor I’d had for over 10 years. Big time bummer there – I really connected with her and trusted her.
Then, I recently reached the magical age of 45 and while I love my age, it comes with a few more tests and recommendations. Eh, ok if I must.
But what was really heavy on my mind was the intake portion of the visit where I’m faced with standing on the SCALE to get my weight and then the potential ensuing lecture I’d get from this new doctor about my weight being above the “normal” range on the BMI chart (as though that’s the only and most accurate predictor of health).
Years ago, this used to freak me out for days before the doctor visit and spin me out of control into a viscous assault of negative self-talk for days or weeks after.
However, these days, after extensive personal counseling following my gastric bypass surgery eight years ago and then three years ago becoming a trained and certified Eating Behavior Coach that specializes in helping others heal their relationship with food, weight, fitness, body image and self-worth – I can now face the scale without it having the power to control my mind and my emotions.
I don’t weigh myself any other time than when I’m asked to at a doctor’s appointment – and it had been three years since I’d last had my preventive care gyno visit. So I really didn’t know what number would show up on the scale.
Here’s the kicker. I didn’t know the number that would come up, but I solidly knew some things that are WAY more important. That is, I know how I feel in my body, the efforts I’m making to care for and nourish my body, and what I see in the mirror.
And if I wonder if I’m gaining/losing weight, I can simply assess how my clothes fit.
These indicators are all I need to tell me whether I’m in my “healthy and happy place” or if I need to make some course corrections in my health and lifestyle habits.
I’m not trying to portray that I’m superwoman. No, no, far from it. I still make lots of mistakes in my health journey and get frustrated with myself because “I know better” and yet keep stumbling.
Moreover, I’m often inconsistent in some of my health practices and sometimes, I don’t follow through altogether (gasp!).
And wait, wait, there’s more! I still feel insecure about my body appearance from time to time.
Nowadays though, I see these as wonderful reminders to me. They tell me I don’t ever have to be superwoman!! I simply need to be human, have some compassion towards myself, remain steadfast in my willingness to learn, practice, grow, endure the process of change which includes setbacks and derailment from time to time.
Above all, never ever give up on improving my level of self-love and self-acceptance.
I’ve been given the gift I hope to be able, as a certified health coach, to pass on to other men and women who struggle in their relationship with food, weight, fitness, body image and self-worth.
That gift, is the gift of liberation!
Liberation from the burden and shackles of the scale telling me if I’m beautiful, if I’m healthy and whether I’m worthy of others love and acceptance.
The scale no longer holds that power over me. I know this because I faced that viscous torture device yesterday at the doctor’s office and saw the number, then simply moved on with the rest of the visit and the rest of my day.
I was the same person walking into that doctor’s office as the person walking out.
As I write this, I’m brought to tears. Tears of gratitude. I’m so grateful to have had this recent doctor’s appointment because it reminds me of what a blessing the gift of liberation is in my life.
WARNING: I did a $h*t-TON of work in my relationship with food, weight and body to get to where I'm at today. I’m not gonna lie – it’s been an up and down and curvy road, but it’s all been worth it and will always be worth it.
Aaaaaand, I’m not done. I’m an unfinished product and still have so much to learn. There’s more work to do. There’s more joy to be had. More life to live out, fully expressed.
Would you like to be liberated?
If you struggle in your relationship with food, weight, fitness, body image and/or self-worth and think Eating Behavior Coaching would help you, I welcome the opportunity to work with you as your Coach.
Coach Rusti Q