Is there truth to we become who we spend the most time with?

#health coaching happiness mindset

Who's in your circle?

Imagine I pulled out a quarter just now and flipped it high in the air.  You call it, heads or tails?  Ok ready....flip....and tada, it's the side you called. 

So what'd you win? 

A circle of honest friends/family, aka "framily" who are fierce allies that passionately support your desire to live life on your terms and as your best self. 

Woohoo, jackpot right? 

Ok, maybe that doesn't sound as thrilling as winning a mega lottery, but actually, it would be even better.  In truth, it could be priceless!!

If the wisdom is true that we become a combination of the 5 people we spend the most time with, then having won 5 framily with traits that support living life as your best, most natural self, then the likely outcome would be an amplification of those traits in your own life. They rub off and become contagious.

Traits like honesty, seeing the humor in life, having a seek progress not perfection mindset, prioritize physical and mental health, humility, exploring one's passions for the joy of it, being an encourager and of service to others, demonstrating kindness in everyday life, and cultivating a growth mindset are things I have on my Circle of 5 Aspirational List.

What traits would you want the 5 people you spend the most time with to have, the traits that support living your best and most authentic life?

Circle of 5 Aspiration List








Now, think about the 5 people you currently spend the most time with.  Not who you like the most or who you feel closest to, but the 5 that you spend most of your physical and mental time with (in person or otherwise).

Go ahead and write out each of their top 3 most dominant traits (they can be positive, neutral or negative traits - the three that uniquely stand out about them). 

Person A, Top 3 Dominant Traits (repeat this for all 5):




What kind of overlap is there with your aspirational list above?

Most have never done this exercise, but when they do, it's eye opening when they do the comparison.

Especially when it comes to the other side of the coin...your circle of 5's distasteful traits, the bad habits, the unhealthy patterns, the destructive daily behaviors like gossip, greed, manipulation and seeing the world through a negative lens. 

The overlap of those in our own life also become apparent if we're honest with ourselves. 

Example: are you generally happy go lucky until you spend time with so-and-so and it quickly devolves into a complaint session and dominoes from there?  You might just shrug it off thinking 'eh, that's just how he is...' instead of thinking 'maybe I should spend less time/have less contact...I wonder what life would be like if I did?'

As you think about this, is now the time to make a change in the 5 people you spend the most time with/have the most contact with?

This is where things get interesting, especially if it's family.  The work to change who you spend the most time with can be daunting and sometimes not even possible like if you're a caretaker to a parent or it's a family member that lives with you, or a co-worker, etc.  In those situations, there are other ways to change the relationship dynamics using relationship boundary techniques - click here for a little more on that.

Distancing isn't the same as abandoning someone or cutting them off for life.  It means being more selective with your time, attention and energy with them.  You pause and consider what you say yes to.  You adjust in what ways and with who you spend your time with, choosing more of your time with those that better align with the life you're trying to create.

A good thing to remember for the "all or nothing" types out there: the dose makes the poison!  There are some people in our life that we want to keep a part of our life, but we're only meant to be in contact with in small doses.

If your circle of 5 isn't helping you live the life you know is meant for you and you'd like to start working on ways to build a better circle, but could use some help, sign up for one-on-one coaching with me today.  I can help you get clarity on what's working/what's not, share proven tools you can use to navigate change, and increase your confidence along the way (and release the guilt!).

Click here to schedule.  And if you're unsure, but want to talk about it, choose the 15-minute Right Fit Consultation at my online scheduler and let's talk!

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